A Long-winded Hagiography

Informative-sounding hooey

Bohdan Nahaylo, the new managing editor of Ukraine’s goat with teeth, wrote more than 1,600 words about himself on Christmas Eve. The longwinded auto-hagiography appeared on the website the day after an 1,800 word op-ed that made the black hole of Ukraine-related bullshit even deeper.

Po-faced and a bit snide at first, the latter picks up slow speed before galloping to poorly-punctuated runon sentences, which gradually wobble off the screen into your brain like the discounted hula hoops in The Hudsucker Proxy.

(It’s amusing to note that the most lurid fantasies about Poroshenko-related covert coal deals spread on behalf of his successor’s fuckpigs have been rendered irrelevant by a chattering horde of useful idiots now serving it up for free in Odesa).

That got me thinking about the fairly rudimentary and time-proven concept that a variable created inside a function won’t necessarily be available the next time the function is called, particularly if someone is reading only one side of a mistakenly dated transcript of a secretly recorded conversation.

Next up: Dominant notes of aspirin and pucks.

Of the many stains left across the Ukrainian internet by the current crop of Canadian idiotarians – rubber-stamp obviousness and desperate cries for group hugs and attention being close-to-hand examples – surely one of the greasiest is the constant grousing about the implosion of the Ukrainian Hockey Super League, a soap opera on ice no one cares about.