Day 1303

The memory police

Another triumphant day for Putin's "special military operation," now in its delightful fourth year! Let's summarize yesterday’s achievements:

The Pokrovsk Masterclass: Russian forces demonstrated their tactical brilliance by attempting 43 separate attacks, managing to lose 160 soldiers (97 permanently off the payroll) while capturing exactly zero Ukrainian positions. They also generously donated 5 cars and 15 drones to the Ukrainian recycling program. Three fights are still ongoing because apparently some people are slow learners.

National Statistics Update: The running tally now shows Russia has kindly provided Ukraine with approximately 1,098,380 fewer personnel to worry about, plus a museum-worthy collection of 11,191 tanks and 32,879 artillery systems. Today's contribution included 2 more tanks and 33 artillery pieces, because sharing is caring.

The Drone Safari: In a stunning display of precision targeting, Russian UAVs managed to set fire to... warehouses and private houses. In Kyi…