Death To All Who Blather
Kill Zone Steel Door
Improvisational comedy is not unlike driving past a horrible accident, except the accident is comprised of unemployed actors desperate for attention. You want to laugh and be entertained, but also you want the accident to be more horrible.
You want to see grisly death onstage.
Actors always loathe being upstaged, especially from the audience. That explains why the sweaty little fuckpigs working at the President’s Office have been looking for clichés Ze can reel off at the press conference marking “the equator of his cadence.”
— ‘Everything will be fine’ is not one of them.
Whatever meaningful the president will say has already been dissected into nicely pulverized pieces and digitized by an army of botfarmers with pre-authorized #hashtags.
The press conference will take place at noon on Black Friday at Creative States in Kyiv, a “five-star hotel for businesses.” The ground floor has a cafe decorated with uncomfortable, weird-looking couches. including a sofa with throw pillows that each feature a photograph of the cast of “Friends.” The place is home to MDMA wholesalers and three floors of new companies, including Kuna, Ukraine’s Like, you can get away with murder crypto dealership.
The New York Times and CNN haven’t been invited.